Building boundaries as an adult can be frustrating and painful because we are learning what we should have learnt when we were children. When we start to say no I can’t do that for you, I need to take care of myself, I’m angry with you, I find that remark offensive, we will see how capable we really are of sticking up for and taking care of ourselves. We can stop being afraid of life.
Breaking patterns involves deep facing. “Looking deeply and flinching at what is going on in our life, at how our actions are affecting our life and the lives of those around us…facing means facing who we are, what we feel and what we are doing.” (CT Manual 24-2)
Personal development comes through doing the work, through therapy. “The average person, having been raised in an atmosphere full of splits, has lost his Wholeness, his Integrity. To come together again he has to heal the dualism of his person, of his thinking, and of his language.” (Gestalt Therapy- Introduction p.8)
Perls said awareness was key to everything. He would say better than trying to change something, the thing to do was simply to be aware of it – fully aware, deeply aware-and with that awareness the thing could change of itself, if that’s what was needed. (A Guide to Humanistic Psychology – p.25) The first step towards change is awareness. The second step is acceptance.